Friendship

In Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, right at the end, Neville Longbottom, the class geek, is awarded the house points which win Gryffindor the House Cup. Why? Harry, Ron and Hermione had discovered a plot to steal the Philosopher’s Stone, and as they headed out of the common room after curfew, Neville had stood in their way, certain that they were going to get themselves in trouble once again. Unsuccessful though he was, Albus Dumbledore (the school’s headmaster) awarded Neville his points with the words, “There are all kinds of courage. It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends.”

How true! Faced with knowing that a friend is in the wrong, most of us would be tempted to turn a blind eye, at the very least. We do not face the same quandary when the wrong doer is a stranger.

The doctrine of charity tells us how we are to deal with the other people we relate to – according to the goodness which is present in them, or what is the same, to the extent that they have accepted what is of the Lord. This applies to people of every race, religion, social status, etc. In practice, it means that we ought to do a little work in getting to know the person and the circumstances before we perform any type of ‘good’ for them, for example, a natural kindness such as the giving of money.

All these guidelines apply equally to friendships. But, I maintain that we find the rule much harder to apply with objectivity in the case of a friend. Let’s return to the example of money. Say a person walks up to you in the street and asks for ten dollars. What would you do? Would you say ‘yes’, immediately and hand the money over? Would you enquire as to the reason? Would you offer to supply that person’s need rather than giving money? Would you just say ‘no’? Now imagine that person is a friend – would your reaction change?

It is natural, in the case of strangers to be more inclined to refuse the request than grant it. And we are more likely to question the motive of a stranger than we would wish to tarnish a friendship with thoughts of mistrust. We easily fall into the trap of assuming the worst of a stranger and the best of a friend.

This is the more difficult side of the doctrine of charity, because it challenges our assumptions and lower nature. Most people seem to understand the implications of the doctrine in relation to a stranger in the street. We have misgivings about ‘just handing the money over’ to the stranger who asks, even though we may have been told to treat everyone to the same natural kindnesses. We find our misgivings explained in a rational and sensible manner by the doctrine. But when it comes to being kind to a friend, most of us wouldn’t hesitate or even harbour doubts. But, everyone should be treated with equal care and attention, so that in all situations good may come from our actions. That is to say, we should not treat everyone in the same way, but in dealing with such requests, we should begin from the same principles. This can come as something of a shock.

But there’s another complication to consider. When we deny a kindness to the deserving stranger, it represents one point in time, one missed opportunity for good. We can repent, learn from our mistake and move on, fairly confident of no further contact with that person. Unfortunate as such a missed opportunity is, there are no lasting consequences of our actions for us. But when we are kind to the undeserving friend, we have done more than aid an evil in that person – we may predict with some confidence a continued association with that evil. That evil may lead us to greater and greater problems. Swedenborg describes how detrimental friendship associations can be when they are entered into carelessly (True Christian Religion, paragraphs 446-455; cf. Arcana Caelestia 3875.5).

I’m not suggesting that we can ‘get away’ with treating strangers badly! That’s just plain selfish and short sighted, and who knows what the consequences for other people might be. My point is that friendships are more potentially dangerous for our spiritual well-being.

In The Lord of the Rings, especially the second and third books of the trilogy (The Two Towers, and The Return of the King), we find true and false friendship vividly contrasted in the relationship between Frodo Baggins, Samwise Gamgee and Gollum. It shows us how we really ought to treat our friends and who our real friends are.

Samwise (Sam) is Frodo’s true friend. He share’s Frodo’s purpose – the destruction of the ring of power. He is caring, thoughtful and encouraging. But he is also able to correct Frodo and stand up for the truth, even when he knows Frodo will not find it easy to accept his words. He treats Frodo “without fear of favour.”

Gollum is altogether different. His purpose is not to destroy the ring, but to regain possession of it. At first, he breathes murder towards Frodo and Sam. When he is forced to guide them towards Mordor, he does so only for the opportunity it gives him to move closer to his goal. He is not interested in the truth – he tells Frodo whatever he wants to hear in order to gain his trust. In Peter Jackson’s recent films, Frodo finally rejects Sam’s friendship for Gollum’s, only to plunge himself into terrifying danger – and to be rescued by the ever faithful Sam.

Let’s turn now to friendship in its highest sense – friendship with the Lord. When we are friends with the Lord, all other relationships can be seen in their true perspective – in relation to the highest possible good. Our truest human friendships are those which are formed on this basis. Our priority should not be the personality or character of another, but it should be our connection with the Lord, and through this connection we can be true friends. When the Apostle Paul speaks of the ‘body of Christ’ (Ephesians 1:23; 1 Corinthians 12:27; Romans 12:4-5), this is what he is describing. This is the church – in an ideal sense. When Swedenborg describes the Grand Man of heaven, he is speaking about the same thing – the ideal becomes reality. We are in heaven because of the presence of the Lord in our lives, and the collective effect is a reflection of the Lord.

Our gathering to celebrate the Holy Supper represents this idea friendship too. It is an act of worship we most usually celebrate together. One of the most important aspects of sharing the Holy Supper with those who are housebound, is the sense of sharing it with a body of people with whom they are physically unable to be present. When we have gathered for that purpose, we can say our congregation represents those friendships. It is not limited to that particular group – indeed we may not actually call those present our “friends”, but by focussing upon the Lord in an external way, it shows us what the inner nature of friendship ought to be.

There is one more aspect of friendship I would like to mention in conclusion. The Lord said, “No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends…” (John 15:15) Friendship with the Lord is a liberating experience! As we align our being with His, the commands of his words become part of our nature too. We no longer have to strive in order to avoid killing, because the need, the desire to kill, or the other evils which would lead to breaking that commandment are no longer part of our lives. Friendship is representative of our regeneration. Our growing friendship with the Lord is the realisation of that potential. Amen.

Don’t Mix Your Spirits!

In my personal Bible reading, I have been reading the book of Isaiah. It has been a surprise to see so many references to wine – both positive and negative – occurring within a few chapters in the early part of the prophecy. They have an important lesson to teach us.

Firstly, let’s remind ourselves of the references in today’s lesson:

Woe to the crown of pride, to the drunkards of Ephraim, whose glorious beauty is a fading flower which is at the head of the verdant valleys, to those who are overcome with wine! … The crown of pride, the drunkards of Ephraim, will be trampled underfoot; … But they also have erred through wine, and through intoxicating drink are out of the way; the priest and the prophet have erred through intoxicating drink, they are swallowed up by wine, they are out of the way through intoxicating drink; they err in vision, they stumble in judgment. (Isaiah 28: 1,3,7)

Similar words in the following chapter help us to understand something of the significance of “wine”:

Pause and wonder! Blind yourselves and be blind! They are drunk, but not with wine; they stagger, but not with intoxicating drink. For the LORD has poured out on you the spirit of deep sleep, and has closed your eyes, namely, the prophets; and He has covered your heads, namely, the seers. (Isaiah 29:9-10)

This is in contrast to its more positive use in the preceding chapter:

In that day sing to her, “A vineyard of red wine! I, the LORD, keep it, I water it every moment; lest any hurt it, I keep it night and day.” (Isaiah 27:2-3)

Of course, these are not the only uses of the image of wine in the Bible. The Holy Supper, is one of the more well known examples, but there are others. In the first book of Samuel, we read of Hannah’s prayer to the Lord, when she longed to bear a child:

Now Hannah spoke in her heart; only her lips moved, but her voice was not heard. Therefore Eli thought she was drunk. (1 Samuel 1:13)

A similar event occurred in the book of Acts, when the disciples gathered in Jerusalem at Pentecost:

And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance. … So they were all amazed and perplexed, saying to one another, “Whatever could this mean?”

Others mocking said, “They are full of new wine.” (Acts 2:4, 12 & 13)

Even our Lord himself was falsely accused of drunkenness:

For John the Baptist came neither eating bread nor drinking wine, and you say, “He has a demon.” The Son of Man has come eating and drinking, and you say, “Look, a glutton and a heavy drinker, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!” (Luke 7:33-34)

Do you see the connection between all these passages? Wine is representative of religious expression and fervour – religion in the sense of being a “reconnecting” (the three letters “-lig-” also occur in the word “ligament”, a tissue in the body which connects muscle and bone). In its best sense, this is a living connection with the Lord, which flows into our life bring blessing, joy and insight. In its worst sense, it represents a connection with something other than Him, which can only cloud our view of reality. Religion can do all the things too much wine can do – it can give us a false sense of security, make us belligerent and angry, even kill us spiritually. We only need to look at events which have taken place on the world stage in the last few years to see that.

If we return to chapters 28 and 29 of Isaiah, we can see what it is that is getting in the way of our relationship with the Lord, and its effect.

For with stammering lips and another tongue He will speak to this people, to whom he said, “This is the rest with which you may cause the weary to rest,” and “This is the refreshing”; Yet they would not hear. But the Word of the Lord was to them, “Precept upon precept, precept upon precept, line upon line, line upon line, here a little there a little.” That they might go and fall backward, and be broken and snared and caught. (Isaiah 28:11-13)

Hundreds of years before the Lord’s advent and ministry upon earth, we read one of his major criticisms of the Jewish religious establishment – that of neglecting the spirit of the law in favour of a merely external adherence to its letter. The Word had become a means of control and a stumbling block to the people instead of the help and guide it was intended to be (compare Matthew 23:1-33, Mark 7:5-13 and Luke 11:37-54). Mark’s gospel even quotes Isaiah 29:13:

… these people draw near with their mouths and honour Me with their lips, but have removed their hearts far from Me, and their fear toward Me is taught by the commandment of men.

External, natural aspects of religion had become all important. The Jews of Isaiah’s time had placed this empty external on a pedestal and begun to worship it, as though it was God Himself. How did it affect the people? The following verses are from Isaiah 29:

… Add year to year; let feasts come around. Yet I will distress Ariel; there shall be heaviness and sorrow… (vv, 1-2)

It shall even be as when a hungry man dreams, And look–he eats; But he awakes, and his soul is still empty; Or as when a thirsty man dreams, And look–he drinks; But he awakes, and indeed he is faint, And his soul still craves: So the multitude of all the nations shall be, Who fight against Mount Zion. (v. 8)

For the LORD has poured out on you the spirit of deep sleep, and has closed your eyes, namely, the prophets; and He has covered your heads, namely, the seers. The whole vision has become to you like the words of a book that is sealed, which men deliver to one who is literate, saying, “Read this, please.” And he says, “I cannot, for it is sealed.” (v. 10-11)

Religion no longer brings us peace and joy, but frustration; it no longer brings satisfaction, but emptiness; it no longer brings enlightenment from the Lord, but spiritual darkness and a distorted perception of reality; and significantly, for a church which cherishes a deeper meaning to the Word, that meaning becomes sealed, inaccessible. Why? Because we only focus upon the outward aspects of our faith; we have stifled our living connection with the Lord.

This is an important lesson for us to learn – it is all too easy to get confused between true spirituality and what is false and misleading. We do this in two ways.

Firstly, it is easy to think we’re doing religion when we are in fact merely intoxicated with natural things. It might be numerical success (“Aren’t there a lot of people in church today! We must be doing something right!”). We might begin to believe that our material success is a result of the Lord’s “blessing” – a reward for our righteousness. We might get carried away with the lyrics of a song. Or we might pride ourselves on the paragraph numbers or Biblical references we can quote in every sentence we utter. But not one of these things is true religion. Not one of these things brings us the peace, joy, inner satisfaction and enlightenment which a living relationship with our Lord does.

Secondly, it is easy to misjudge another’s religious experience, just as our Lord was misjudged (see Luke 7:33-34 above). What we must realise, however, is that when we misjudge another, it is indicative of OUR spiritual state, not theirs – OUR dependence upon natural things of religion, OUR failure to see the reality of the situation. The pot is calling the kettle black! Take numerical success as an example. As members of a smaller congregation it is easy to look at other, larger churches with envious eyes. But when we do so, we often justify ourselves by muttering about their “obvious” dependence upon numbers – “it’s all about bums of seats – that’s all that matters to them!” This is an accusation of spiritual drunkenness. It may be true, but it also may not. We ought to look at people in the way the angels do, looking for the good, and excusing or placing a good interpretation upon evil when we see it. When we fail to do this, we only demonstrate our own dependence upon the very thing we claim to despise, our own drunkenness. Psychologists call this “projection.”

Now, as we receive wine as part of the Holy Supper, we should consider what all this means for our participation in this most holy sacrament. I believe it is making a commitment to Divine Truth, to seeing reality as it truly is, as the Lord shows us, not as we want it to be. In taking wine from the Lord’s table, we should examine that commitment within ourselves. Do I listen the voice of the Lord as He speaks to my life? Or do I spend my time justifying my own mistakes, and pointing out apparent faults in others? These are crucial questions, which we all do well to ask from time to time.

Amen.